Addiction

I am an addict

I am a mother

I am a daughter

A sister, a friend.

I am an addict

and I live under

The spell addiction sends

right through my bones,

my mind, my heart, my soul

I am an addict

and I have never felt so small

I am an addict

I told myself

As I held my head in shame

I am an addict

and I cannot live with all this pain

I am an addict

I deserve nothing but the worst

I am an addict and

I live under this curse.

Success

I cannot have it (I told myself)

The right to a good life

I am an addict

I’ve caused too much pain and strife.

Content

I cannot have it (I told myself)

I don’t deserve to smile

I am an addict and

I am at the bottom of the pile

I am a survivor

I am a warrior

I am a Queen

But

I had a habit

That dampened all of my dreams

I am a fighter, a writer

I am clever, kind, caring and strong

I am an addict

but under labels I do not belong

I am a women, a human

Who sadly had to break

To be transformed into

The champion she is evolving

into today

I am an addict and

although yes, I do lust

for drink and drugs

I now have a Higher Power

I can trust, who showers

me with strength, guidance and love

I trudged for miles but

with hard work,

The shackles soon fell off

and although yes,

I fell face first

deep into the mud

I wiped my eyes,

squeaky clean and

I truly felt Gods love.

I began to breathe, to believe

in myself, in all my worth

and dare I say it……

I was thankful to still have

two feet firmly on this earth.

I remembered how it feels to live,

to dream, to be free

To feel alive –

and just how beautiful

This universe really is

Through my new fresh eyes.

I am an addict

And I do not wish to forget

For that could do me harm

I will always remember

my loved ones, my friends,

my family

Who lost their battles

In this crazy search for calm

and I hold them here

Firmly within my heart.

They provide me with the fuel

When my internal fire

barely starts

But the ones who keep me

Strong, who really ignite

my light

Are the ones sat amongst us,

The ones who daily fight

to stay sober and clean

We’re not perfect but

We try, the survivors,

the warriors, the ones

fighting to the end

carrying a light for their

lost loved ones and friends

You’re the champions –

In my eyes you are all stars.

And you deserve every bit

of goodness on this earth

Addiction puts blinkers on your

eyes, but recovery removes the curse.

Please understand, it isn’t

easy, it is a daily fight

but with time, care and

a lot of love, I am grateful

to have been given another

chance to try at life.

I am an addict

But I am also a survivor

And freedom tastes so

very, very nice.

Written by Karen Hamilton (Kaz) Former Recovery Support Programme member, Next Steps